The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
