State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
