It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
In other news, I just burned my penis
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
