Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I believe in your delicious
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
