i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
