Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
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Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just high enough for therapy.
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I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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