apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
