Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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