she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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