My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
