I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
this beer tastes like vomit already
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
