I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
