Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
