I looked at my own cervix.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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