Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
