I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
is that a dick in a sweater?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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