i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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