i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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