I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
