Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
