There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
