if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
