I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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