My brain says no but my pants say off.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
