So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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