I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
