afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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