At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
