Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
They have beer where we have blood.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
