Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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