Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
