I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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