His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
