i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just googled if crying burns calories
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
