how can u be prego again
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
