Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
