someone threw a dead crab at me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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