We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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