The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
