I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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