is your mom at the bar?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
