...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
