actually, I'm a sock model
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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