i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
