does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My vagina is officially offended.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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