Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A bitchslap is in order.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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