They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
