I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
