That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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