I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize