I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
