My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
