well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize