He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
