i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
