Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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