But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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