Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
pray to the hookup gods
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
