No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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