He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
