By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
