doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
