How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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