so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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