My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
