STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
